The Joy & Pain of Fatherhood
the joy & pain of fatherhood
Isaiah 26:3 – “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee because he trusteth in Thee.”
When I interact with each of my children, sometimes I reflect on the days of their early childhood. As I do this, my mind recalls the emotional rollercoaster ride I endured during those days. I remember the day that each of my two boys was born. I was there, for each one, assisting the doctors with the birth. Other than the doctors themselves, I was the first to welcome them into this world. I remember the wonder I felt when I witnessed their first breath and heard their voices for the very first time. My heart was filled with joy immeasurable, and overflowed with a love that I did not recognize; a love that I was not aware that I even possessed.
It is so difficult to explain, but I felt a strange combination of unbounding love, incredible fear, intense anger, profound sadness, fierce protection and determined resolve to provide for, shield and protect them with my very life. The feeling was the same for each of my beautiful little boys. This was my personal experience as a young Black American father.
When my boys first entered the world, I was immediately struck by their beauty, innocence, helplessness and utter dependence on me. I was immediately confronted with the reality that I had to introduce them into a world that, in many ways, would hate and mistreat them and seek to harm them simply for being who they are. I know the experience. I have lived it; and, I had to prepare them for what they would inevitably face in a country that professes in its most sacred document “All men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights”, and mints on its coins “In God We Trust”.
I knew that I would have to teach them how to survive encounters with the police to ensure they would come back home alive each day, safe and sound, to their family. I knew that I would have to teach them how to navigate the overt dangers and subtle micro-aggressions of society and of this world.
As I held each of them in my arms for the first time, my heart was filled with love and pain. My mind was engaged in a fierce conflict as I recalled the experiences of my father, my brothers, male relatives and friends who experienced the same injustices for generations. And as I wrestled with these emotions and sought how to quell the fire that burned within me, I thought of Him. Jesus. My Lord.
The Holy Spirit filled my mind with thoughts of peace as I recalled the sacrifice that He made for me. Calvary. Calvary said it all. Jesus, my Savior, made the same promise to me that I did to my boys. He would protect me with His life. He gave all. He gave His life for me. And as He taught me to navigate the dangers of this life through obedience to His Word, so I determined to do the same for my children.
When your heart is gripped with fear, anxiety or dread over the safety of your children, look to Calvary! The One who was willing to give all to redeem you will never leave you alone. As tenderly as you protect and guide your children, Jesus will, to an infinitely greater degree, do that for you and yours, if you choose to obey His Word.
-Christian Sidney
